A Short Letter to a Long Day

Hello my lovelies. I didn't forget about you, all the yous that read my posts that is. I've just been busy.

Busier than ever. I am two weeks away from tucking a whole year of college under my belt. Where did the time go? Holy moly.

I will be lucky if I pass Biology and finish my two 12 page papers that I have lined up for me in the next two weeks without pulling out my hair before it turns gray.

In my English class today, we read a blog post with this same title and all I could think of was "relatable."

So here is to my long day:

That stupid alarm buzzing underneath my pillow, go away. I swear I've only been sleeping for 26 minutes.

What am I supposed to wear when I live in a state with multiple personality disorder? It is 38 degrees when I wake up and 70 degrees by the time I leave class.

How many cups of coffee is it safe to drink everyday?

Did I even eat breakfast?

Crap, its time to leave for class already?

Am I having a heart attack at age 19 or is it just stress?

Why do jobs exist? Why do I have to pay $50 for groceries to feed my one little body for two weeks?

I forgot what its like to have time for myself.

Oh I have to register for next years classes too?

Biology 1010 was created by Satan himself.

This day can not get any longer.

I want my bed.

I still want my bed.

How many more hours of work?

How many finals do I have to study for?

Should I just drop out? Join the circus? Sell my kidneys? My body? Sorry mom and dad.

I have to wake up and do it all again tomorrow?

At least its almost summer.

Those days will be longer.

ugh.

goodnight.

rinse and repeat.

Curse you long days.

And that's how my Monday went.

We're almost there people. Almost there.

At the end of the day, I am thankful for a day.

XO- Sydney Lauren

Side note: How pretty are these pink trees? I love spring.

How To Deal With Discouragement

I am writing this on the Monday of all Mondays. I have had the type of day that makes me realize why many people say "I hate Mondays". My homework is piling up, finals are around the corner, I hate my job and can't find another one, and just as things seem to be going my way, that luck halts. It painfully and awfully just stops. I have yet to find a perfect balance of complete and udder nirvana, where the scales are perfectly synced. Once one thing falls into place, another unravels. On the contrary, I read in a book once that a woman said, if you are happy about everything and everything is going perfectly right, they are preparing to take something away from you. So I guess that's a good sign that I'm not losing anything anytime soon. I am writing this piece mostly for myself because dealing with discouragement and defeat is something I struggle heavily with. Right now for example, I am struggling with the horrible realization that my job is slowing, but surely killing me, one brain cell at a time. I swear working at a call center has taken ten years off of my life just by sitting in a mundane cubicle and staring at the white glow of my computer screen while biting my tongue not to curse at mean people. Discouragement is on the list of the worst feelings to feel. It is the worst to feel like you are giving everything your all, and it still isn't enough. So on days like today, when I'm laying in bed feeling defeated by my Monday and trying not to have a earthshattering emotional and mental break down, I need to remember these things:

1. You are kind, you are smart, and you are important.  ( Thanks Kathryn Stockett)

2. Just because you were turned down at a job you wanted extremely bad, doesn't mean you are a failure.

3. Everything happens for a reason.

4. Everything works out.

5. And everything will fall into place eventually.

6. You are right where you are supposed to be in life.

7. You are making your dreams come true.

8. You are becoming a better person.

9. Just because your boss might tell you how crappy you are doing, it doesn't mean you are crap.

10. Even if the person on the phone tells you to go to hell, no matter how hard it is smile and tell them to have a nice day.

11. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS

12. You could be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, but someone is still not going to like peaches.

So yes I may have been turned down a job at Nordstrom which is a galactic bummer. Yes, I may have cried my whole way home from work after dealing with the meanest people on earth and a boss who tells me everything I do wrong. Yes, I may be suffocating with stress and anxiety knowing I have to take a biology final, an astronomy final, and write two 10 page papers in the course of just 3 weeks. Yes, I may be wanting to buy a one way ticket to Aruba with what is left of my lousy checking account ( hashtag college probs), but the moral of the story is its just a bad day, not a bad life. Like the horribly overused cliché, there is always a rainbow after the storm.

What It's Like to Have A Disneyland Dad

it all started with a mouse

our $10,000 fast pass

we're all mad here

still 5 years old

original mouseketeer

cars land

60 years

fam bam

tea at Minnie's

my girl minnie

chewbacca

cute blue door in toon town

Urban dictionary defines a Disneyland dad as a term used to describe the role that some divorced fathers fulfill, whereby they tend their biological children during certain prescribed times during the year (much like a vacation) rather than be a father full time. But wait, stop. This is NOT what I mean by Disneyland dad. I mean it in the quite literal sense meaning, a dad that loves Disneyland. And let me tell you, that is my dad. He's the dad who dances in the street during the parades and cackles on tower of terror. He is a Disneyland dad. The best kind of dad.

If you haven't noticed yet, I am utterly and completely obsessed with all things Disney and Disneyland especially. For the past four years, my dad has taken my sisters and I on an annual Disney trip. The thought of that trip every year makes my heart sing. So yes, my dad is a Disneyland dad in the literal sense, not what Urban Dictionary defines him as. Every year I walk into the front gates and immediately feel a wave of happiness come over me. And yes, I do get Mickey Mouse ears every year. Between my sisters and I, we might have very well collected them all. I am the queen of Disneyland. I know where every ride is, every treat is, and what time every parade starts. Most of the time, you have to drag me out of the park with blisters on my feet and all. There is no way you can marry into my family unless you can walk three days at Disneyland. Everything about Disneyland makes my five year old self shine through. I will walk, skip, jump, run, and sing through the park till the day I die. Prior to my recent trip, I have brainstormed a bucket list for all things Disneyland. This might help anyone who is thinking about taking a trip and wondering about the dos and donts. Enjoy!!!

THE FOOD!!!
This might be one of my favorite parts of Disneyland no lie. I don't know if its the fact that every thing is Mickey Mouse shaped or the fact that you are in Disneyland that make everything to die for. With these treats, Disneyland is sure to give you an endless food baby.

1. Mickey Mouse waffles
These are located in the Carnation Café. These are probably hands down the best Belgian waffles you will ever get your hands on and it helps that they are Mickey shaped. Perfect place for brunch. It gets pretty busy in the mornings, so if you consider it make sure to ask about reservations.

mickey shaped waffle

2. Dole Whips
These are a Disneyland classis. Dole whips come in two options: a dole float or soft serve. It's the perfect blend of pineapple and ice cream and the float comes with a cherry on top! 10/10 would recommend grabbing a Dole whip and heading to the Tiki Room which is right next door.

dole whip soft serve

3. Churros
How could you miss the churros? There is a stand on practically every corner. Churros are my favorite treat so I get them as much as possible especially in Disneyland. There are huge too!! Another churro option is a churro ice cream sandwich. I haven't had the pleasure of trying one, but its on my list for next time. The churro ice cream sandwich is located in Downtown Disney.

4.Pickles
There is just something about a Disneyland pickle. I don't know what they do to them or where they get them, but this is a must in Disneyland. Even if you don't like pickles, you must try these.

5. Beignets

I have just recently discovered these little pieces of heaven. You can purchase them at the Mint Julep Bar located in New Orleans Square near the Haunted Mansion. I just tried these for the first time on my recent trip and they are to die for. I wanted to eat 8792479274. If you want a little taste of the south make sure to stop there. They are Mickey shaped too. To wash it down, make sure to try the signature Mint Julep.

beignet and mint julep

6. Corn Dogs

Hello can we just talk about how amazing the corn dogs are in Disneyland?? You can grab one at the Corndog Castle in California Adventure or there is a stand near the entry of Tommorowland. They are amazing.

7. Pretzels
More specifically, the cream cheese filled pretzel. MMM. Seriously it tastes so much better than it sounds. Located at the refreshments shop on Main Street. You can't forget about the classic Mickey shaped pretzel located in just about the same spots you see churros.

8. Mickey Ice Cream Bars
If its a hot day, a Mickey ice cream bar will be sure to hit the spot. Both the ice cream sandwich and the chocolate bar are located sporadically around both of the parks.

Mickey chocolate bar

9. Funnel Cakes
Two words. Funnel Cakes. Located at the Stage Door Café in Frontier land. You have the options of chocolate brownie, strawberry, or powdered sugar.

10. Macaroons
If you know me, you know how much I love French desserts. You can purchase Mickey shaped macaroons at the Jolly Holiday Café at the end of Main Street. They even add fresh raspberries.

pistachio macaroon

HOLY SMOKES I have a food baby just thinking about all the amazing food Disneyland has to offer. That's not even all, I just don't want to sound like a big fat foodie. But, on a real note one of the best parts of the Disney experience is gorging yourself with treats.

A few other tips:

• wear good walking shoes. I walked for 3 days in Birkenstocks (aka the comfiest shoes) and my feet still hurt
• make sure you get a fast pass for the Car's Ride. Every time I have been in the park, the Radiator Springs Racers have a line at least one hour long
• WATCH THE PARADES AND THE FIREWORKS. This is part of what makes Disneyland so magical. Especially at the night with the glowing castle
• If you can make reservations and your budget allows it, eat at the Blue Bayou (the restaurant inside the Pirates of the Carribean Ride) this one is still on my bucket list
• Spend as much time in the parks as you can, the time goes by so fast
• If you see a character walking around the park, make sure you wait in line to see them because chances are you won't see them again
• If you want mouse ears or a stuffed animal and you're past the age of 10, freaking get them. I still want to buy every stuffed animal I see.

If you need further advice, I'm your girl.

I like to think I am a professional when it comes to Disneyland. I am so thankful to have a Disneyland dad who is as much of a Disney nut as I am. I am so grateful he is able to give me so many Disney experiences. Every time I go I learn something new. Every time I go I realize more and more how big of a genius Walt Disney was. And to think, it all started with a mouse.

XO- Sydney Lauren

Oh the Places You'll Go

The relationship you have with your first car is one that can never be replaced or replicated. I remember I couldn't wait to turn 16 and drive all my friends around. Getting your driver's license is one of the biggest milestones in a your teenage life. I always felt like I waited so long and 16 was sooo old, but in reality I was just a fetus still. My birthday is in October, so I was one of the first people in my class to have a license and definitely the first in my group of friends. My gas tank could attest to that. So could my dad's wallet. I was blessed with the opportunity to drive every teenage girl's dream car, a Volkswagen Beetle aka slug bug. I begged and begged my dad for months to get on a car hunt so I could have a car on the very day that I turned 16. He didn't have one. About a month later, I drove off the lot in my first car. I felt like I was on top of the world. Equipped with a sun roof and leather seats, I was basking in luxury. It made it even cooler that it has a cassette player. Groovy.

That car went through a lot.
The numerous air fresheners, perfumes, and fragrances to try to mask the unwavering scent of a Crayola crayon factory (it never went away), the footprints of shoes from all my girl friends, getting it stuck in a ditch in front of my sister's school on the first day of driving it, the endless jam sessions to country music with the windows down, the battery dying probably close to 28758728575 times, late night talks with boys I liked, many kisses goodnight, car selfies because lets be honest the lighting is thee best, photoshoots with my sister, eating lunch in it every single day senior year, breaking down in tears driving home after a rough night, screaming at my sisters to stop fighting while I'm trying to drive, countless McDonald's drive thrus, texting while I wasn't supposed to be, utilizing the trunk as a closet space ( divorced parents probs), the stupid cup holders that didn't even hold the drinks causing sticky Chick-fil-a lemonade and Dunkin Donuts coffee to spill more times than I can count. I can never thank that car enough for the times it put me through. Good and bad. I honestly got a little emotional when I had an adult moment and bought my first car on my own. I was emotional because that meant a) I was now officially an adult with bills to pay and b) I had to retire that Crayola factory bugged eyed monster to my little sister. That car got me through so much. High school enough was a whirlwind and I don't even know how we got through it, but we did. Together. I probably sound so stupid ranting on about my slug bug, but it's a milestone for me to be parting with it. Now, my little sister gets to experience the same situations, heartbreaks, and adventures that I did. That little car is so full of memories and is about to get even more. I'm not even sure how all those memories fit in that little thing. It will be jam packed by the time she is done with it.

My point here is, cars take you places. You will go through so many trials and tribulations, jump through so many hoops, and climb so many mountains in your lifetime. And most of those times, you'll be in your car. To quote one of my favorite picture books and one of the smartest humans, "Oh the places you'll go, today is the day. Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way. " - Dr. Suess
There is a new mountain awaiting us every single day, no matter what car I'm driving, I know I'm making memories to last a lifetime. I know that I will look back someday and remember the slug bug days. I will remember how many times people said, "What's that weird smell?" and I had to explain to them that my car reeks of crayons so it has become my natural smell and it gets worse when it's hot outside . I'm going to look back on the day that my car died three times in three different locations and I had to ask the guy at Jamba Juice to help me jumpstart it. I'm going to think about the times that I was proud of myself for learning to do what boys do like putting coolant in my car and refilling the windshield wiper fluid. I am going to think back on the times I fought back tears as I ate lunch alone with the bug as my only company. I'm going to look back at how far I have come and the places I have been. So long my bug friend, make room for new memories. Hello to new adventures in the Kia.

XO- Sydney Lauren

I'm just now realizing I did not take very many pictures of the bug but, here's a little taste of what I do have.

That one time the Jamba Juice guy jumpstarted my car

The very place Easton first told me he loved me

Twinning with Sam Lilly #buggang

You really relate to fellow bug owners on a personal level

One of the first nights I drove my car and I went to Classic Skating

sophomore year

photoshoots with my sister

late night McDonald's runs with roomies

Car selfies

my new adventure

To The State with the Greatest Snow on Earth

I am a born and raised Utahn. Utah is my home and always will be. Why in the devil did I never realize how beautiful this state is? I have taken for granted the fact that adventure awaits me right outside in my backyard. People come from all over the world to ski in our powdery mountains and hike tremendous peaks. This past weekend, I started my week of spring break. (THANK GOODNESS). I have never been in to the outdoors and I have always hated hiking because I was the straggler. Try keeping up with a mom who runs eight miles a day through winding trails. Let me tell you, its hard. For spring break, I went with my roommates to St. George. It's been such a trend to go to Zion National Park, so I decided to see what it was all about.


Holy moly.
God is an artist.
I hiked to Angel's Landing which is one of the most extreme hikes at Zion. Quite honestly, I did not think I was going to make it. It is a 5.4 mile hike round trip which doesn't sound too bad, until you find out it's incline is straight up and down. Once I got to the lookout point, I had to make the life changing decision to continue the last half mile with paths as narrow as 3 feet with 1200 foot drops and nothing but chains to keep you from free falling to your death. I was already feeling incredibly motivated. Having fear is something that will hold you back and keep you from accomplishing goals and things you never imagined you could do. The only thing you have to fear is fear itself. I was going to accomplish something I had never thought it could. Despite the burn of my lungs, the death grip on the chains I banked my life on, and my legs feeling like jello, I made it to the top. I had never felt so empowered and accomplished. I want that feeling forever. I want that feeling every single day of my life. I want to try new things, cross things off my bucket list, and experience the world. The crazy thing about that is that it starts right outside in my backyard.

Thank you Utah for being so mesmerizing and providing me with a lifetime of adventures. Remember to be fearless. Life is so short so unplug and get out there and live life elevated.

Also, I am accomplishing a lot of other things in my life outside of the beauty of Utah, I have just started on as a contributing writer for a blog called Her Track which shows women many directions of encouragement and empowerment so thank you all that have supported me through my own blog, you can now read more on another blog. I will continue to write on this domain on a more personal level, but watch for my stuff on http://hertrack.com/. I'm so excited to continue my writing career. If you ever feel afraid to step out of your comfort zone, don't be because look how much you can accomplish when you do.

XO- Sydney Lauren

Notes to my Good Friend, Tuesday

Just a few Tuesday tidbits for you all. I have a few jaded letters, but also some thank you notes for your Tuesday.  If Tuesday had a color, it would be yellow. If Tuesday had a scent, it would be vanilla. If Tuesday had a mascot, it would be sunshine. If Tuesday had a taste, it would be sweet, sweet strawberries. If Tuesday had a sound, it would be birds chirping.

Dear Tuesday, you're one of my favorite days.

Dear Spring Break, come faster.

Dear sweet tooth, go away.

Dear Girl Scout Cookies that I ate for lunch, yes.

Dear Utah weather, figure your crap out.

Dear Biology test, ace yourself.

Dear Disneyland, I miss you.

Dear March, you might be the worst month of the whole year.

Dear weird people on the bus, please don't talk to me.

Dear books I'm reading, I love you.

Dear people on the other end of the phone, be nice to telemarketers.

Dear Fernweh, please give me somewhere new to travel.

Dear Mom, I miss your home cooked meals every night. PB & J just isn't cutting it for dinner anymore.

Dear Pinterest, why are you so good at wasting my time?

Dear adults, I don't know how you do it everyday.

Dear anxiety and stress, please stop. You're the worst team in the league.

Dear money, please multiply in my wallet while I'm away.

Dear brain, thanks for running a mile a minute and giving me stupid things to write about.

Dear girls, you're empowering, Happy International Women's day. We can do anything.

Dear Tuesday, thank you for being Tuesday.

Sending some Tuesday love your way!

XO- Sydney Lauren

An Open Letter to the Girl with Big Dreams

Hello Blog World. I'm back.

I had a few moments of discouragement while trying to think of a worthwhile topic to write about in the past week. That may have been why its been so long since I've posted. That and I'm the busiest girl ever these days. Please tell me how one has time to have a social life, be a full time student on top of full time homework and studying, work 20 hours a week, stay fit, have a relationship, spend time with family, and still manage to get at least 6 or 7 hours of sleep. I promise you, life says pick 3. There's so many expectations and tasks and so little time. Sometimes I just wish we didn't have to sleep.

Recently in my English class, which has become one of my favorite classes I have ever taken, (this is a pretty big step for English 2010 I would say. Most people think this class was created by devil himself) my Jessica Day-esque teacher (kudos to anyone who remembers when I first mentioned her) said, "It takes great courage to be a writer."  This was exactly what I needed to hear to get my gears grinding in my brain again. I needed to get writing on my mind. I received some good advice that day. Anyone who is involved in creative work knows that for the first little bit when you are creating stuff you kind of, to put it nicely.. suck. You suck. You really do. You are not good yet. And getting good takes time. It takes practice. That was the pep talk I gave myself when I started to feel discouraged about what I'm doing here, what I'm doing with this writing. Why am I writing? Who is even reading this? But then, I thought back to that quote. I thought it does take courage. I have courage. I have courage to be opening up my heart, soul, and mind and spilling it out via the keyboard on my laptop. I am giving someone insight in to my own head. Giving them thoughts that they might be able to relate to. Writing is hard. Writing is scary. Writing is one of the most vulnerable things a human being can do. But writing is so damn beautiful. How beautiful is it that our human brains can relay what we're thinking to our fingers to have the capability to put it into words and share it with others. But, it's still scary.

I feel like I have no direction with where I'm going with this blog. Quite frankly, I'm still stuck in the " I suck" phase. I will be for awhile. But, what good are wings without the courage to fly?

I am trying to be good. I have the ambition to be good. But, it's just quite not that good yet. However, I do not lack taste. I do not lack emotion and vulnerability and that's what makes great writing. Just imagine what I have the potential of doing years from now when its more than just the ambition to be good. I cant wait till it's just good.

I started writing to try to get attention from others. I wanted to be good. I wanted to be good at something so bad. SO bad that it was good. That it is getting good. And getting is where I need to be going. I had realizations that I am writing for myself. If it happens to benefit others in the process, then win-win for the both of us.

So this is an open letter to the girl with big dreams...
Girl, you are rocking it. Whatever that little head of yours comes up with is worth writing down. It's worth documenting in your journal or jotting it down on a sticky note when you're supposed to be paying attention in class. This is 2016, you have the capability to change the world. To change lives. Whatever your dream may be from getting married to having the job of your dreams. It takes vulnerability. It takes not giving up on your day dream even when you're in the "I suck" rut of your life. You won't be good. Not at first anyway. Anything that is an accomplishment, takes perseverance and dedication. It takes time and not giving up no matter how many people don't read your stuff or how many ideas you thought would be good and just aren't. You are not good, But, you're getting there. And it's a beautiful ride my girl. It really is.

And this was a letter to myself. This was something I can look back on and laugh at when I truly am good. This is a reminder that you can get past discouragement. But also, this is a letter to all girls out there and even boys too that whatever your dreams are, they aren't too big. Nothing is too big for what the human can accomplish. We've been on the moon for Pete's sake. Shoutout to you Neil Armstrong. So please, don't quit your day dream. Strive for progress, not perfection. Life is tough darling, but so are you.

P.S Writer's block is real people. If you have a certain topic or thought you'd like me to write about, please I beg of you.. give me feedback!! Let me know what you want to read!!! This is a cry for help on behalf of my lack of inspiration lately!!!! You can also subscribe and get updated every time I post via email. If you're interested, scroll to the bottom of the page and enter your email in the box. And I changed the title of my blog again, curse my indecisiveness. Enjoy!

XO- Sydney Lauren