Post Grad Life

While I was in the shower today, deep in thought, I started reminiscing on the past year of my life. It is hard to comprehend that it has almost been a full year since I graduated from high school. I waited all that time to graduate, to grow up and now I wish I hadn't rushed it like I did. Time literally flashes the minute you step out of that high school world. One thing I will say, life gets harder, but it also gets better. Much better. As I think about the last year of my life and what I've learned I want to share it. I want to share it with the people who have already graduated, but I also want to give this present to the graduates of 2016. Here's what you need to know about life beyond high school:

1. Put all that graduation money into a savings account.
Don't go on a crazy shopping spree, don't put new wheels on your car and don't spend it all on food. If you sent out graduation announcements, you will probably receive checks and cash galore. I know I did. I was shocked by the amount of money I got even from people I didn't know. I would go through high school all over again to get that kind of money. I can't stress it enough to save, save, save!

2. It gets harder, but better.
Some people are at a loss with what to do with themselves after graduation. I've seen it. They don't know what they should study, where they should go to school or where they should work. It is terrifying to be so vulnerable out in the real world. I made the decision to go to college which I would recommend 10/10 times. However, college isn't for everyone. It's not going to get easier. You aren't going to have less things to pay for or less responsibility, but you will hopefully have a better understanding of who you are because you are now in charge of your ending. My biggest piece of advice is to find something you love to do and pursue it. No matter how scary it is, put yourself out there and be passionate in whatever you do.

3. You will find your forever friends.
I know you probably think your high school friends are the ones that will be there forever. You think those are the ones you will dance to High School Musical in the kitchen with, the ones you will pull all nighters with in college, the ones who will be your bridesmaids and be there for you when you have your first baby.  Most of the time, that's not the case. In my case, I found those friends in college. I found those friends when I left my comfort zone and once again put myself out there. I reached out to people I would never imagine being friends with. People from other states, other religions, and other interests and they became my forever friends. So if you don't feel like you have those yet, you'll find them. Sometimes it just takes time.

4. Try something new.
Whether it be sushi, the Zumba class or country dancing do something you've never done before. You are free from the binds of high school. You don't have to ask to go to the bathroom anymore. What are you going to do with this new found freedom? It all goes back to stepping out of that safe haven. Break through. No one and I mean no one cares about what you do anymore. It isn't like high school where everyone knows you and cares what you do with your life. You have a completely new and fresh start so do something incredible with it. You could show up to class on a scooter wearing a snuggie and people in college would wonder why they didn't think of that first.

5. Learn responsibility.
Fortunately and unfortunately, some people will not learn responsibility until they are pushed out of the nest. I saw people struggle when they had to get their first jobs in college, when they had to pay for groceries and figure out how a credit card works. It is crucial to learn to take care of yourself before it's too late.

6. Life is short. Buy the dress.
College life is hard. It's hard to work, go to school, do homework, study, go to the gym, have a social life and sleep. It is easy to get wrapped up in everything on your "to do" list. Life is short. Sometimes you have to choose between groceries or a new pair of shoes. Sometimes the new shoes win, but life is short and that's okay.

7. Be a kind human.
No matter who you were in high school whether you had 50 friends, 5 friends or no friends now is your chance to rewrite your story. Smile at people in the hall, hold the door and do something nice for a stranger. Life is so much better when you cultivate kindness.

8. Nothing matters but you.
It doesn't matter who's on vacation, at that concert or dating that boy. Who you were in high school means nothing the minute you receive that diploma. Everything is about you know. Don't worry about what other people are saying and doing. Delete social media if you have to. It's no longer a competition. This is your life and it's just beginning.

I hope that my words of wisdom and what I have learned since being graduated spreads to nations. I hope that someone else can benefit from what I learned and learn 68 other things after graduating from high school. Congrats class of 2016, you did it. Time goes so fast so make it last and make it worthwhile.

P.S: hertrack.com is now an official account for publishing on the Huffington Post. I have the ability to get published on the Huff Post depending on how well my posts do on Her Track. If you like what I write, please go to my Facebook or the Her Track website and share everything I have written. It would really make a writer girl's dreams come true.

XO- Sydney Lauren

A Letter To The Girl Who Loved Him First

I think when a sad or bad thing happens or even a sad moment in your life hits you, it makes for the best writing.

Ever since I was little, words were my outlet. I remember going into my closet when I was upset. I would sit there in that little room and feel like I could breath. I would pull out my little butterfly diary and write away. Most of what I would write consisted of how much I hated my sister and wished Hillary Duff would take her place. At 19 years old, words are still my escape.

Some of the best and my most favorite books are the ones that are sad. They are the ones about death, cancer, or suicide. The ones about tremendous love ending tragically. I don't know what it is about it, but sad books are always the best reads. It's not fair that it's that way. Shouldn't we want to read about happy things? Rainbows and happy endings? The truth is we don't. Sad books sell. Heartbreak sells. Death sells. Cancer sells. They sell because we relate. As human beings in the cruel world bad things happen to us more often than the good things happen or so it seems. It is easier to relate to tragedy.

This isn't going to be a lesson on positivity. I have tried to keep what I put out for the world to read on a happy note, but realistically that is not always the case when it comes to real life. This is from the most raw, emotional part of my heart and I feel like I am ready to share something different. Sometimes the best writing is the sad words because sometimes it's okay to not be okay.

This is a letter to the girl who loved him first.

You broke me. For years, you have made me feel insecure, uncomfortable, intimidated, and down right awful. You made my junior year of high school hell. You made it hard to love myself. You made it hard to feel like loving him was worth it.

Fast forward.

It's been almost 3 years now and you are still in love with him. You still try to win him over. You still try to find out what he is doing and bring him up in casual conversation. You try to weasel into his family and his friends in hopes you will replace me. You try to push me out. But I'm stronger than that. I am still here. You got the boy, but I got the man. I am still loving and falling in love with the boy you loved first and all I have to say is thank you.

Thank you for making me build up the greatest self confidence of my life. Thank you for pushing me to love that boy. Thank you for pushing me to find myself. Thank you for letting me be the bigger person. Thank you for letting me discover my self worth. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to grow and mature into a woman everyone hopes to be one day. Thank you for making those times hard so I could appreciate the good ones. Most importantly, thank you for motivating me to realize that for all this time I wasn't the fool. You were. You were the fool for putting down the girl that was about to love that boy better than you ever could. So thank you.

Even if I don't end up getting what I wanted or dreamed of in the end. I am becoming successful in a generation who is obsessed with looking successful and not having to work hard to get there. I am  growing into the best version of myself no matter how many people have tried and will try to get in my way.

XO- Sydney Lauren

Living Amongst Young Brides: A Tale of Utah Girls

It has been almost a year since I graduated high school and the tally for my classmates that are engaged keeps rising. Often times, I think about what it would be like to be married. I have been dating Easton for close to three years now and sometimes marriage seems appetizing. I think it sounds most appealing on those nights I can't sleep and I wish he was there to rub your back, or when scrolling through Pinterest and I move past bridesmaid dresses and gorgeous rocks that would look perfect on my dainty hand, or maybe its when I have a long day and just wish I could go home to my person and make dinner and dance in the kitchen. Then I come to my senses and I think about how great it is to be young. How great it is to be young and in love without the marriage license.

Living in Utah, I swear girls marry boys they just met because they have been spoon fed marriage since they were little girls and that's what they are supposed to do. That's the next thing they have to check off. Coming from the opposite side of the religion spectrum Utah so famously encompasses, I think getting married young is one of the dumbest and irresponsible decisions someone can make. Especially coming from a broken family where my parents ended up divorcing, I am an even stronger advocate for slowing down the marriage train. Marriage is meant to be serious and sacred and not something you just do because it's the next step. This day in age, marriage ends more often than not so why rush it?

My mom always told me, date a man through all the seasons. Maya Angelou says you can learn a lot about a person by the way they handle these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas lights. There is an enormous amount of truth coming from both of those wise women.

I want to do other things way more than I want to get married. I want to find myself, to travel the world, to discover what I like and what I don't like, to become successful, to have a career, to fall in love with my person naturally and throughout the years because I am changing. He is changing. Everything changes and I don't think that these young brides realize how much is about to change. Hell, what if you don't like the person you married once you move in together and realize you hate how they leave their wet towels on the bed or leave their dishes in the sink? That is the scary part.

Like I said, it will be three years in November. Three years to fall in love and get to know a person and its still not enough. I still need to learn more, to discover each other, to make more memories and experience more things before I can commit myself to a person forever. Marriage is such a beautiful thing and something I have dreamed about since I was a little girl, but I have so many bigger dreams than that at the age of 19. I want to travel to Paris and kiss under the Eiffel tower, eat some bugs in Thailand, and go ice fishing in Alaska. I want to experience struggle. I want to eat Top Ramen and Mac n Cheese and still be able to go to my parent's house and sleep in my bed in the room I grew up in. I don't want to pay bills or make dinner or clean the house or do laundry.

I am nineteen years old. That sounds like torture.

 I want to go out with my friends and experience life. I want to turn 21 in Vegas and 25 in Europe.  I want to have a career, be successful, show up to the office in a pencil skirt and heels and tell people what to do. I want to experience life for myself before I am ready to experience it with a spouse. I want love to work out naturally. I want to live in a beautiful house with my husband, not married student apartments. I want to wear a white dress and not feel like I was just at the prom. So thank you to all you young brides who have made me realize what I do want at this age.

Shoutout to Easton for making it last with me for nearly three years. Thank you for dancing in the kitchen with me, singing your rap songs to me in the car even when I act like I hate, and going on every adventure I think of with me and making everyone one of my whims and dreams come true
. Thank you for making me realize that marriage is worth the wait.

XO- Sydney Lauren

What It's Like To Fall In Love With Life

With Mother's Day being only a few short days ago, I thought I would comprise and dedicate a tribute to the person who sparked my love interest with life; my mom.

My mom has taught me so many things throughout my life. We have always had the best relationship. She's taught me a lot of mom things like how to cook, how to clean, how to deal with my changing body, how to deal with boys, and how to present myself as a person, but besides all that she has taught me how to love life and make the most of every breathing, waking second of it.

She taught me not to waste my time on people that only need me when they need something.
She taught me not to let anyone try to change the person I am.
She taught me not to go broke trying to look rich.
She taught me that life is about obtaining experiences not material.
She taught me that usually money cannot but those moments that you will treasure most in your heart.
And
She taught me that everyone is beautiful despite being different than myself.

I think the moment you know that you have fallen in love with your life is when waking up at 6 am before the sun had even reached the peak of its decent over the mountains is really okay. You are happy to wake up that early because it is to do something you love and you have finally found what it is. It is showing up 20 minutes early after the hustle and bustle of rush hour traffic that makes you want to kick a dog, but you are still smiling. You can't even wipe the smile off your face and you are just now realizing how dumb you probably look. It is being ecstatic to offer free labor in exchange for school credit. It is walking out the doors realizing how lucky and excited you are to be able to wake up and do it all again tomorrow. If I get to feel like that for the rest of my life, nothing will feel like work.

I am currently interning at Good Things Utah for the summer. Many have asked me what I'll be doing while I'm there. During the show, I am either on set taking pictures, videos, and tweeting to our viewers or I am in the producer's booth. After my work during the show is done, I have the duty of heading to the computers to work on the web stories for the next day to come. It's funny because to the producers, these web stories have become mundane and monotonous for the so they hand them over to us, but I'm over here on cloud 9 because I get to do it and it is something I love to do.

I owe a special thanks to my mom and everyone else in my life that has provided for me and supported me. I have truly fallen in love with my life. If I could marry my life I probably would.

So, my advice for anyone that is reading this and knows I still exist, please fall in love with your life. Life is too short not too. Fall in love with painting your walls a different color, that fact that you had enough money in your checking account to fill your gas tank, the tulips blooming in your front yard, eating your favorite meal for dinner, sleeping with your window open, making new friends, and when your favorite song plays on the radio and ends right in time for you to pull into the garage.

On other days, it is not always easy to be on good terms with life. Life gets hard. Life gets sticky. Sometimes it's like stepping on a piece of gum and you just can't get it to stop sticking. You and life might be in quarrels. You might be giving each other the silent treatment. Maybe you stained your shirt on the way out the door, you hit every red light and then some, or it started to rain and sandals were your shoe of choice for the day. Those are the days that you toss your hair in a bun, drink a Starbucks, put on some Britney and handle it because life is about doing things that don't suck with people that don't suck. So make wake, pray, and slay your motto because life is so good. As one of my favorite books puts it, it's a good life Hazel Grace.

- XO Sydney Lauren

The Freshman Fifteen

When the saying "freshman fifteen" pops into your head, you might think the weight that college students sometimes put on during their first year due to the lack of money for fruits and vegetables, the fact that Top Ramen and Mac n Cheese is so cheap, or the limited time in the day to get a proper exercise. When I think of the freshman fifteen, I think of fifteen things that I learned, valued, and treasured about my freshman year of college.

1. Good friends are everything.
I was so blessed with the girls I was placed with in my apartments. I truly believe a good college experience comes from having fabulous roommates to call your best friends.

2. Krispy Kreme is always a good idea.
I lived in Orem, Utah so hello one of the only Krispy Kreme stores in the state was just down the street from my apartment. Anytime I would drive by and see that neon sign flashing, I knew it meant hot doughnuts were calling my name. For some reason, they sounded and tasted even better at mightnight.

3. Don't pull too many all nighters.
I am the queen of going to bed early. I always joke that I'm an old lady because I can't stay up past 10:30 anymore. Those mornings just come too quickly. If you think staying up late to get in some extra studying is a good idea, think again. You probably already know everything you need to know. P.S: Do not ever in your right mind sign up for a 7:00 am class.

4. Watching Hannah Montana reruns can help you cope with stress.
For about half of the year, apartment 1151 suffered from a very serious conidition called, "WE DON'T HAVE TV". This was hard for us. We missed award shows, new episodes of the Kardashians, and the Christmas movies they play on ABC family. When we finally got one, you best bet we binge watched. Mostly old Disney Channel reruns.

5.  You can healthily live off of eggs for about three weeks until you get sick of them.
I have never felt so poor than how I did my last few weeks of my freshman year. I got lazy and poor. Poor and lazy. Often times, I asked myself, "How am I going to stay alive if I don't feed myself?" The solution was eggs. It was a cheap and easy solution. Do you know how many ways you can eat eggs? I got creative, but man I never want to eat another omelet for as long as I live. Shoutout to those lucky chickens for feeding me.

6. Hair that isn't your own hair is DISGUSTING!!
That's all I'm gonna say.

7. Call centers everywhere.
Living in a college town, there are so many call centers hiring at all times. They bring in college students like no ones business. Here's the thing, gray hair is a hair trend these days so I have the perfect solution, just work at a call center. They will be sure to make you want to pull your hair out while your soul dies little by little each day, but $$$$$.

8.  Don't skip too many classes.
Being a college student, its tempting to want to miss a class or two here and there. Especially coming from a high school like mine where missing school was equivalent to kicking a dog. However, missing one class in college can automatically  cause your grade to be the dog that's getting kicked. Not to brag or anything, but my first semester I stopped going to my history class in October and made it out with an A by December so miracles do happen and that is probably one of my proudest moments. Sorry dad.

9. Always do it for the Instagram photo.
Those quirky colored walls on the back of Mexican auto body shops, that pefect ice cream cone, or hiking to the top of a 1200 foot mountain are always worth it. This is probably going to be my new motto.

10. It's hard to live within 30 feet of 5 girls and be able to get along with all of them.
I have lucked out with the roommates I was set up with, but we have had our fair share of drama. It's almost impossible to put that many girls together and expect there not to be.

11. Home cooked meals always taste so much better.
If your mom is complaining that you never want to eat her food, just go away to college. You will realized how amazing a home cooked meal is after you eat eggs for three weeks straight.

12.  You will probably forget how to be alone.
When you have roommates, there is usually someone with you 24 hours out of the day. I can't even tell you how lonely I would get when I was home alone. It's like you forget what "me" time is because you are so used to having company and having someone to talk to.

13.  Living room dance parties are a thing.
My downstairs neighbors probably hated us when we broke out that strobe light app and blasted The Jonas Brothers and the High School Musical 2 soundtrack.

14.  Knowing how to strategically make all your clean underwear last so you don't have to do laundry.
This is a skill I should put on my resume.

15. Goodbyes suck.
I don't know how I'm going to handle a summer without the girls I spent my last eight months with.

After just finishing my first year of college, I feel relieved. I feel accomplished that I was able to succeed and have the amazing experience I did. Lastly, I feel grateful. I feel grateful that because of my parents I had the opportunity to move away for college and experience such a great thing and grow and learn and find who i am. Instead of gaining the freshman fifteen from eating Krispy Kreme, rocky road ice cream, and Toaster Strudels, I gained the freshman fifteen from making incredible memories and coming out of it with these fifteen things I will cling to forever. Let's be real, I never worked out so I'm lucky that I had roommates who made me laugh so hard I got a 6 pack.

XO- Sydney Lauren

A Short Letter to a Long Day

Hello my lovelies. I didn't forget about you, all the yous that read my posts that is. I've just been busy.

Busier than ever. I am two weeks away from tucking a whole year of college under my belt. Where did the time go? Holy moly.

I will be lucky if I pass Biology and finish my two 12 page papers that I have lined up for me in the next two weeks without pulling out my hair before it turns gray.

In my English class today, we read a blog post with this same title and all I could think of was "relatable."

So here is to my long day:

That stupid alarm buzzing underneath my pillow, go away. I swear I've only been sleeping for 26 minutes.

What am I supposed to wear when I live in a state with multiple personality disorder? It is 38 degrees when I wake up and 70 degrees by the time I leave class.

How many cups of coffee is it safe to drink everyday?

Did I even eat breakfast?

Crap, its time to leave for class already?

Am I having a heart attack at age 19 or is it just stress?

Why do jobs exist? Why do I have to pay $50 for groceries to feed my one little body for two weeks?

I forgot what its like to have time for myself.

Oh I have to register for next years classes too?

Biology 1010 was created by Satan himself.

This day can not get any longer.

I want my bed.

I still want my bed.

How many more hours of work?

How many finals do I have to study for?

Should I just drop out? Join the circus? Sell my kidneys? My body? Sorry mom and dad.

I have to wake up and do it all again tomorrow?

At least its almost summer.

Those days will be longer.

ugh.

goodnight.

rinse and repeat.

Curse you long days.

And that's how my Monday went.

We're almost there people. Almost there.

At the end of the day, I am thankful for a day.

XO- Sydney Lauren

Side note: How pretty are these pink trees? I love spring.

How To Deal With Discouragement

I am writing this on the Monday of all Mondays. I have had the type of day that makes me realize why many people say "I hate Mondays". My homework is piling up, finals are around the corner, I hate my job and can't find another one, and just as things seem to be going my way, that luck halts. It painfully and awfully just stops. I have yet to find a perfect balance of complete and udder nirvana, where the scales are perfectly synced. Once one thing falls into place, another unravels. On the contrary, I read in a book once that a woman said, if you are happy about everything and everything is going perfectly right, they are preparing to take something away from you. So I guess that's a good sign that I'm not losing anything anytime soon. I am writing this piece mostly for myself because dealing with discouragement and defeat is something I struggle heavily with. Right now for example, I am struggling with the horrible realization that my job is slowing, but surely killing me, one brain cell at a time. I swear working at a call center has taken ten years off of my life just by sitting in a mundane cubicle and staring at the white glow of my computer screen while biting my tongue not to curse at mean people. Discouragement is on the list of the worst feelings to feel. It is the worst to feel like you are giving everything your all, and it still isn't enough. So on days like today, when I'm laying in bed feeling defeated by my Monday and trying not to have a earthshattering emotional and mental break down, I need to remember these things:

1. You are kind, you are smart, and you are important.  ( Thanks Kathryn Stockett)

2. Just because you were turned down at a job you wanted extremely bad, doesn't mean you are a failure.

3. Everything happens for a reason.

4. Everything works out.

5. And everything will fall into place eventually.

6. You are right where you are supposed to be in life.

7. You are making your dreams come true.

8. You are becoming a better person.

9. Just because your boss might tell you how crappy you are doing, it doesn't mean you are crap.

10. Even if the person on the phone tells you to go to hell, no matter how hard it is smile and tell them to have a nice day.

11. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS

12. You could be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, but someone is still not going to like peaches.

So yes I may have been turned down a job at Nordstrom which is a galactic bummer. Yes, I may have cried my whole way home from work after dealing with the meanest people on earth and a boss who tells me everything I do wrong. Yes, I may be suffocating with stress and anxiety knowing I have to take a biology final, an astronomy final, and write two 10 page papers in the course of just 3 weeks. Yes, I may be wanting to buy a one way ticket to Aruba with what is left of my lousy checking account ( hashtag college probs), but the moral of the story is its just a bad day, not a bad life. Like the horribly overused cliché, there is always a rainbow after the storm.