Self Loving

Self Confidence might be hands down one of the most attractive qualities about someone. Self confidence can lead to gains in friends, jobs, and health. However, self confidence might be one of the hardest things to acquire. It is human nature to be jealous and wishful of other lives. As humans, we are constantly comparing the pros and cons of ourselves to other people around us. Like anyone, I have times of insecurity and points in my life where my self-esteem meter isn't where it should be. There are times when I think, "She's prettier than me" or " They are having more fun than me" or "Her body is cuter than mine". The truth is, we are like snowflakes. No two of us were created the same. I think that is so special. It is so crazy to wrap my mind around the fact that I'm the only me out there. I have come to the realization that when we are happy with ourselves and our lives and are not comparing it to other people's we are confident. There are days when I wake up and have my cup of coffee and walk down the hall like I'm the queen of the world. Other days, I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror or put on clothes. We have this nasty stigma that who we are and what we are doing isn't enough.

I will admit, just until this year after graduating from high school is when I have started to find my self confidence and keep my self-esteem high. High school is a brutal place. You could not pay me to go back. It was like walking through a hallway where everyone is your worst critic. You constantly feel like you're getting judged for what you're wearing, who you talk to, what sport you play. It was terrifying. I would honestly avoid the cafeteria so I didn't have to be reminded of my level of unpopularity and my diminishing number of friends. I see what my sister goes through day by day. However, she does have multitudes of friends and was probably the exact opposite of who I was in high school, but I see the constant worry. The constant worry of having a zit and not wanting to go to school. For whatever reason, kids in high school expect you to be perfect. There is this pressure for everyone to conform to the same style, language, activities, and look. That was not who I was. Being graduated as made me realize how ridiculous it was to feel insecure. Those people that are so called "popular" those are the people who will be stuck in high school the rest of their lives. Those are the people who have already reached their peak. It is comforting to know that I still have my peak to experience. Being in college is a whole new experience, no one cares who you are, what school you went to, what car you drive, what you wear, or who you hangout with. So for all of you struggling with who you are, don't worry the best days are yet to come. You will soon be at a time in your life where what you look like doesn't matter anymore. Soon the most important thing will be your future and the successful accomplishments ahead of you. I held on to that thought for so long and I feel like I can finally breathe now that it's here. It is important to not lose yourself despite how low you might be feeling. Love yourself. Self confidence is sexy. Self confidence will get you that boy and that job.

The you that you are is amazing. You are a snowflake and there's nothing out there that can compete with you. You have such a bright future beyond what you might feel right now. I promise you it does get better. You will be able to walk through any hall, building, or down any street like you own the place and no one will care and that's what's so awesome about it.  If that post wasn't quite enough, I have included a link for the prescription for self love, take a read!! And make it the best Monday!

XO- Sydney Lauren

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-hardy/201203/seven-step-prescription-self-love

Six Word Memoirs

If you haven't noticed already, writing is something I love to do. Some of the best and most favorite teachers I've ever had have been English or writing teachers. Currently this semester I have an awesome English 2010 professor that could make anyone love to write. She is a darling, spunky red-head with a Jessica Day esque personality. If you don't know who that is, I recommend watching New Girl. The other day, she had us do an exercise titled "Six Word Memoirs". Basically what she wanted us to do is to come up with descriptions about ourselves and our lives in six words. You might think this would be easy, but it was actually quite difficult. Here are a few of the good ones I came up with myself:

Constantly craving a trip to Disneyland
October is my very favorite color
Smell of Crayola in my car
Battles with sisters over our clothes
Time for rocky road ice cream
School, Work, Homework, Eat, Sleep, Repeat
Obsessed with all things French bulldog

I thought this was a quirky and creative way to give people a feel for who I am. This is just one of the reasons why writing is so incredible, there are a million ways to express yourself and your creativity even just in six words. Can you tell your life story in six words? I wanna hear yours, if you're still reading this blog shoutout to you and thank you for all your support from the bottom of my heart. Let me know if you come up with any six word memoirs in the comments below!  Happy Sunday!

XO- Sydney Lauren

The Opposite of Loneliness

Possibly one of the reasons I enjoy writing so much, is because reading has been a love of mine since I was a little girl. I remember shelves of mine being filled with books. Picking just one out to read every night may have been my hardest task. Occasionally, I will try to dedicate blog posts to book recommendations. Some may call me a nerd. (mostly Easton) because of how much I read. I am embarrassed to say I started this 200 some page book and finished in one day. I borrowed the book from my roommate titled "The Opposite of Loneliness." It is a collection of stories and essays from a Yale graduate by the  name of Marina Keegan. Marina is one of the most excellent writers I have ever read. Sadly, she passed away in a tragic car accident not more than a week after her college graduation. As a tribute and memorial for her, her teachers, professors, parents, and various other loved ones composed a collection of some of her best fiction and non-fiction writings. I have not had a book or anything really inspire me as much as her writing in this book did in a very long time. Through this book, I asked myself how can I change the world when I'm not even 20 years old yet? I don't think she ever thought that her words would impact people all throughout the world as much as they have.

She writes about the Opposite of Loneliness and how if there was a word for that, that would be precisely how she is feeling. There are some amazing people surrounding me every single day, but I can't help but think that there is more out there than just working to get through school to potentially end up with another job that you have to work more at. For what? What are we doing this work for if there is no overall purpose benefitting our community and this world. The world is going to end. One day that bright, shining, mega star we call our Sun is going to stop shining. One day, our sunshine is just going to shut off. Why do we worry so much about tomorrow when it isn't even promised to us? A quote from one of Marina's poems left me thinking. "Do you wanna leave soon?" No, I want enough time to be in love with everything.. and I cry because everything is so beautiful and so short." This got to me. We spend so much time preparing for the rest our lives and we forget to remember that life is shorter than we think it is. I hope that I can impact someone, just one single person through my writing the way Marina has impacted me.

This just proves to me that words are so powerful. I don't even care if people think I'm cliché, or stupid, or not interesting enough to have this blog. I am doing something that makes me happy in hopes that one little thing I can contribute to this Earth will be able to help someone in the long run. This world and the people in it are too beautiful and special to let their lives be wasted by the tasks we let consume our days. We are special.

XO- Sydney Lauren

P.S: My teacher asked if she could use the essay I turned in for an assignment as an example for the class, I almost cried no joke. It's amazing the support I'm getting and the feedback I get for my writing. So thank you all!
http://theoppositeofloneliness.com/

My Shopaholic Self

So I guess I should probably explain why I chose the title I did for this blog. Mostly I just tried to think of something that sound like a bloggy title. I also wanted it to be personalized for me. I am a college student so money is not something I have in abundance as much as I wish I did. I work for Response Marketing which is at a call center called Nudge. I call people for $9 everyday and beg them to come to our "Millionaire Mind Experience Events" so everyday I'm reminded of how nice it would be to become a millionaire. I work about 20 hours a week and go to school for about 15 hours weekly. I'm really living the college dream. I have always loved to shop and had a passion for fashion. That sounds like  Bratz doll commercial.
But anyways, shopping is something I love because designing my look and coming up with things to wear is something I find enjoyable. However, its not the cheapest hobby in the world. I'll admit, as I walk down the halls of my school, I look at every girl's outfit and I can't help myself. I am always looking for new ways to wear things and things I want myself. I have a Pinterest board screaming with new shoes, outfits, and ways to design my room. I just don't have the funds so if anyone is willing to start a GoFundMe...totally kidding. Its hard when you're in college and you want to be fashionable but, you have to buy toilet paper and groceries instead.  My uncle made a comment to Easton once to "watch out because I'm a Nordstrom girl" I don't know if it was supposed to be a compliment or an offense towards me. Yeah sure I have a couple items from Nordstrom's including my Hunter rain boots that may or may not have costed half of my month's rent, but I feel like I make my wardrobe look like Nordstrom with a Forever 21 cost.

The "Big Dreams" part of the title of this blog has to do with my obsessive urge to want to travel to every single place on the entire globe. There is so much out there to see. It's almost not fair that there is so much on this Earth and not enough time in our lives to visit and experience it. I can't wait for the day I can travel with the love of my life anywhere we want and just explore. I have what the Germans call Fernweh which means an ache for distance places and the desire to travel. I think I might have inherited that gene from my mother.

All in all, there's the explanation my blog titles. What can I say? I'm an expensive dreamer.

XO- Sydney Lauren

In case you were curious, Hunter Rain boots Tall High Gloss Black  (Nordstrom)

What to do When you Just Don't Want to Adult

Growing up is hard. I haven't fully entered extreme adulthood yet. I'm still in pre- adulthood is what I want to call it. I'm a college student living on my own away from my parents. Granted I'm only about a 30 minute drive away from a home cooked meal, I'm pretty much on my own. I still get some financial help from my family, however I'm learning what it's like to pay rent and buy my own groceries. Groceries are expensive might I add. I'm on my own for meals, and gas, and laundry and all that fun adult stuff. Why is it that we go through our whole lives wanting so badly to grow up but once we are finally there it isn't all that its cracked out to be? We spend so much of our lives wanting to be older than we are. We are always waiting to be 16 so we can drive, 17 so we can see R rated movies, 18 so we are finally legal and an adult, 21 so we can drink, 25 so we can get married and start a family and so on. We have forgotten what its like to be young. I think in this generation especially, we are racing to get to the next step and forgetting to live in the age we are now. A personal example is my little sister Ella. She is the youngest in my family so she has me and my sister that to look up to. Lately, she is in such a hurry to wear makeup and watch shows that she probably shouldn't and like boys and everything else that me and my sister Olivia might be doing that I think she has forgotten what it's like to be 12. Oh what I would do to go back to being 12. I wouldn't have to wake up and go to classes I'm paying an arm and a leg for just to come home and go to work to be able to pay for them. Mom still picks you up from school and your biggest worry is what show will be on Disney channel that night.

I think we as humans take being young for granted. There is no hurry to grow up and I wish I would have known that because on days like this when I just can't "adult". I'm still in a stage where I don't have all of the adult responsibilities, but I've gotten a taste and it sucks. So stop waiting for Friday, waiting for summer, waiting for the one to fall in love with. Happiness is achieved when you stop waiting for it and make the most of the moment you're in now. My biggest piece of advice to you is stop rushing, stop trying to be older than you are because quite frankly "adulting" is not as fun as it looks. And while you're young, remember there is really not even that much to stress about. I am the stress case queen, but I've gotten better when I realized I needed to stop getting ahead of myself and growing up too darn fast. So be young my friends! Even if your age might not be young by some standards, be young. Also, don't let your responsibilities consume you. We are not on this earth to work to pay bills. We are on this earth to discover ourselves and find our happiness. And on the days you don't feel like being an adult, do something crazy and remember what it's like to be young.

Sidenote: I am always getting grief for making a bigger deal out of things than they really are so here's a quote that is way too relatable to my life and might make you giggle a little bit. Happy Tuesday!

XO- Sydney Lauren

Growing Up Different

I have grown up in Utah my entire life.  I will be the first to admit that Utahns live in a bubble. We have this protective, conservative layer surrounding us and I think we let that inhibit us from seeing what is really beyond our state lines.  I truly believe that Utah is one of the greatest states to live in this nation. It is beautiful, clean and the people are relatively friendly. However, I am a minority here. My mom grew up as a member of the LDS church along with the rest of her family. When she was about my age, she left for various reasons. Years later when I was born, I was brought up in the Lutheran religion. I was baptized when I was eight or nine and attended Christ Lutheran School up until the sixth grade. Even though I was born and raised in Utah, I still felt like I didn't fit in. It took me a long time to understand why I was looked at as different and as an outcast. I didn't practice the religion as a majority of my state. It's really hard for me to write about this because I still have family and friends who practice the LDS religion and I don't want to offend or hurt anyone. However, this is my blog and these are my experiences and feelings.  I don't see anything genuinely wrong with the Mormon religion, however I feel like extremes are practiced in some cases. I always thought God told us to love one another no matter what the differences. I always thought He told us to be accepting and non-judgemental. That is how I was taught anyways.

When I was younger, it was not as bad as when my sisters were younger or maybe I just didn't notice it as much. There was a prejudice. There were times that I remember when my seven year old sister would come home and say, " She can't come over to our house anymore because we have wine on the counter" or " she can't play with me because we don't go to church and that means we're bad influences". I was judged by the fact that I wore tank tops and two piece swimsuits. I recall a time where I wasn't allowed to go to someone's house unless I changed from shorts to pants and a tank top to a tee shirt. Middle school is a rough time in any child's life. I was transitioning from a private school to a public school for the first time, not to mention it was middle school. It embarrasses me to say, but I would lie and say I was a member of the LDS church just to make friends. I was always in fear that that would prevent me from living a normal life. That is heartbreaking for me to look back on now. Even to this day, when I'm meeting a new person they will ask my name and the second question out of their mouth is " What ward are you in?" or "Are you a member?". Member of what? Why is that the first thing people need to know about me. Unfortunately, its because they are making a judgement of me based upon my religious views. I know there are extreme forms of the case and not everyone apart of the Mormon religion acts this way, but its a striking number that do. I have been pushed away by how many times I have been denied friends or opportunities due to my beliefs. 

It makes me sad to see such unacceptance for people's differences. Some of the best people I know don't go to "church" and I don't think different values or beliefs make me or anyone else a "bad" person or any less of a person for that matter. We should teach our children to be accepting of people's differences rather than shunning them and keeping them from having relationships with them. Let us remember that God told us to love thy neighbor and that means tolerance for diversity.

My apologies for the heavy topic, but it had to be said.
XO- Sydney Lauren

19 Things I've Learned in my 19 Years

I took a little inspiration from a post I saw on Facebook and I wanted to personalize it to my own taste. Here's 19 things I've learned in my 19 years:

1. Mom is always right.
I wish my middle school self could hear me say this right now. My mom has always been there for me even in the teenage years when I wasn't so nice to her. She always had the right answers and knew what was best for me. I'm currently trying to get my sister to understand this concept as well.

2. Happy girls are the prettiest girls.
No matter what might be happening in your life, you will always feel better when you have a smile on your face. True beauty radiates from happiness.

3. Not everyone is going to like you.
I think almost every struggles with this fact especially if you're a teenage girl. You could be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and there's still going to be someone that doesn't like peaches.

4. Quality over quantity.
Like I mentioned in a previous post, I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies. A few good friends is better than a lot of not so good friends.

5. Respect yourself first.
It is inevitable for girls to want attention from guys, but in the end no matter how promiscuous you were to get that attention, you will never be the girl that gets respected. Classy girls are the ones that win in the end.

6. Ice cream cures broken hearts.
I'll be the first to admit that ice cream is my go to comfort food. There's got to be a secret ingredient in there somewhere that makes our broken hearts feel okay for a minute. To be honest, there was a time in my life where I went through a pint of Rocky Road ice cream in a week for almost 3 weeks. whoops.

7. Take care of yourself.
It is important that while we're young we are learning to take care of ourselves mentally and physically. Sure its okay to have a burger and fries every once and awhile. But there is nothing better than running your guts out and eating a salad. Also processed foods are from the devil.

8. It's okay to cry.
This one resonates with me a lot because I am definitely a crier. I've gotten grief for it in the past but its just something I cant help. Crying makes me feel better. I cry over everything. One time I even cried because I got a free churro in Disneyland.

9. Speaking of Disneyland, it really is the happiest place on earth.
No matter how old I am, I will always have an obsession and deep love for Disneyland. I don't even understand how you couldn't love this place. It is bursting with happiness and I'm smiling just thinking about it.

10. Zac Efron will always be hot ( I stole this one because I love it so much)
I remember the day of the premier of High School Musical on Disney Channel. I put on mascara hoping to impress my first love through the television. Don't ask, I was a weird child. My 12 year old self fell in love with him and to be honest that love is still there. Zac, if you ever read this you broke my heart for ditching the HSM 10 year reunion.

11. Live everyday like its your last.
This is cliché, but come on. We never know how long we will be on this earth, we aren't even guaranteed tomorrow. Be grateful, loving, and don't waste a second.

12. Find something you love to do.
I'm still working on this one, I've always thought that there is nothing out there that I am good at, but I know I'm so wrong. It is crucial to explore and try new things and new adventures to find out what it really is that makes you happy. Find something that makes you feel most alive while you're doing it.

13. Love God and Pray.
I grew up religious, but as I have gotten older I haven't been able to actually attend church and practice. But, my faith has been unwavering. I pray to God every night just to thank Him for the previous day He has given me. I have great comfort and peace knowing He is in my heart.

14. Sing and Dance to yourself in front of the mirror.
Who doesn't do this? I can't think of a better way to start my day or boost my self confidence than to jam to music at the top of my lungs and dance around my room.

15. Popularity doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter how many likes you get on Instagram or how many followers you have on Twitter. None of that matters and I realized that once I got out of my high school world. Likes mean nothing.

16. Use kind words and never talk badly.
I know its almost a girl's human nature to want to gossip, but from my experience it gets you no where. You never know what a person is going through or how they might be feeling. Speak kind words and you will have beautiful lips.

17. Your old Facebook photos from 7th grade will haunt you forever ( stole this one too).
I get a reminder on Facebook everyday about my memories from 5 years ago. I cringe every time I read the captions and see the word graphics plastering each picture with horrible edits. But they are memories.

18. Your dad will always protect you.
Dad's can be intimidating and hard to get a long with sometimes, but in the end you know they will always be there to protect you from boys, spiders, and when your car battery dies.

19. Be accepting
I saved this for last because this is something I have tried to practice my whole life. Being the one who was different in my society because of my religion was the hardest thing ever. There were times where neighbor kids couldn't play with my sisters and I because we "didn't go to church". I was always taught to accept people no matter how different they might be. The world would be a better place if more people were accepting.

I could probably go on and on all day long about important things I've learned, but I'm only 19 so. Share some of yours with me in the comments below! Here's a link to my inspiration. Thanks for the idea!!http://gracevalentine.org/2015/12/31/19-things-you-learn-by-19/

XO- Sydney Lauren