We create scenarios in our heads of what the perfect life will be.
We think we will have Sunday walks in the park with our dogs.
We think we will have the perfect little house on Mulberry street with the perfect husband and the perfect family. We think we will have the perfect 9-5 job with weekends and holidays off and paid vacations.
We plan it as if figuring it out will soften the blow.
The future. Home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes, but one thing is for certain that when it finally reveals itself, the future is never they way we imagined it.
Growing up I always wanted to be a mom, an artist and of course a teacher cause what 10 year old doesn't want to be a teacher? I recall at one point my little sister saying she wanted to be a cashier. We all have these dreams and aspirations for "when we grow up, " but once we're grown up does it rarely go the way our 10 year old selves planned for.
I never imagined I would find a love for writing. I knew I was always good at the English and reading subjects in school. I always liked to read and writing essays was a whole new challenge for me, but one that I loved. I never imagined I would be able to create a career out of that. Every single day I am shocked by the opportunities that present themselves to me. However, they don't jump out on you. You expect that everything will just fall into place how it is supposed to be. You're lucky if it does. Most of the time, you have to work for it. You have to put yourself out there. Writing is seriously one of the hardest but most rewarding things I have ever done. Often times, I get intimidated. I get worried that someone won't like my writing, won't accept it or won't think it's good. That is when I realized that I own EVERYTHING that happened to me. I am going to keep telling my stories. If people wanted me to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.
I didn't anticipate the life I'm living. No one does. It is impossible to predict the future and those $5.99 a minute psychics you see on TV infomercials can't either. I have learned you just have to go with it. You just have to roll with it and have courage that what you are doing is the right thing. Being brave has gotten me so many opportunities that I wouldn't have if I remained the shy, quiet girl most of you thought you knew me as.
Writing has brought me a whole new level of self confidence that I never knew I could possess. I write when I'm happy. I write when I'm sad. I write when I want to rip everyone's heads off. Those deep rooted fears turned into the greatest hope I could have ever imagined. If you work really hard and are kind, amazing things will happen.
If you are still reading this, which I know you are because I have almost reached 200 views on one of my posts, thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading. Thank you for letting me pour my heart out, letting me practice my writing and letting me find my voice. The amount of love and support I have gotten in my ventures have been amazing and far beat out the hate I may have received.
The future is a scary thing, but it is also the most beautiful thing to have hope in a future. If I could go back and tell my high school self that everything was about to get so much better and that I would be producing my own segments and even be in front of the camera talking about my blogging I would call myself a liar, but holy crap it's true. Someone pinch me because I'm on my way to living my dream.
As most of you know, I have been interning at Good Things Utah for the past month. I have been in a literal Sydney heaven. I was made for this kind of stuff. When the producer Megan told the interns they had the opportunity to complete a project by producing our own segments I almost dropped dead. My mind immediately started wandering. I couldn't even focus on my tasks for the day because I just kept thinking about what I wanted to do. My first thought was my cousin's snow cone business. I knew that would be a safe bet because I could produce it and just sit back and watch. I didn't have to worry about making a television appearance. Then I got thinking, why wouldn't I want to experience the opportunity to be on TV? I might never get that again. I know it's just a local channel that probably only targets moms who are able to watch everyday at 9 am, but its still TV. Since GTU is a lifestyle show I immediately jumped to my writing for Her Track which is a lifestyle blog. Everything fell into place and I had a segment scheduled.
Last night, I practiced what I was going to say over and over to myself in front of the mirror. I even slept with my notecard underneath my pillow hoping it would imprint in my brain while I slept. Whenever I have anxiety, I usually have back to back dreams of everything that could go wrong in the situation. That is what happened last night. I was afraid my alarm wouldn't go off, I would have lipstick on my teeth or I would forget what I was supposed to say and resort to "um". I was so nervous when I woke up that I couldn't even eat breakfast. When I got to the studio, I pulled the rundown from the printer and saw that I would be live at the end of the show. That's when I started to sweat. I was terrified over the fact I had to stress myself out through the entire show until it was time to get a mic on me.
As soon as I heard that one minute countdown, I was afraid my words would start to slur and my voice would shake but all the sudden real, coherent, perfect words were coming out of my mouth. I was doing it exactly how I practiced in front of the mirror with zit cream on my face and all.
I have never felt so much love and support than I have today. I have worked so hard to follow my dreams and make something of myself. Hearing the sweet words from people I know and even some I don't have been enough to get me through the rest of my life. I am so grateful that I am able to be an inspiration to people throughout my inner circle and far beyond. Stay tuned to see what else I accomplish because I promise you it's going to be good.
If you want to see my big TV debut, you can follow the link to watch my segment. Shoutout to Michelle Money, my Bachelor fan obsession was satisfied today. http://www.good4utah.com/good-things-utah/gtu-featured-guest/7-things-ive-learned-from-my-parents-divorce
XO- Sydney Lauren
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| P.S: If when you read the title of this article Lizzie McGuire's song popped into your head, we are soul mates. |
